Seeing Possibilities

By Rhonda M. Sutton

I am taking a drawing and painting class. This week the instructor gave each person a picture of a landscape and asked us to do a quick sketch of the picture in shapes (circles, squares, triangles, etc). At first glance all I could see was sunflowers and a bird. Immediately, feelings of inadequacy began to surface. I could hear a loud voice in my head aggressively saying, 

I don’t know why you signed up for this class. You know you are NOT an artist. You CAN’T even do the assignment you were asked to do. You suck at this!

As my body slumped in the chair and I placed my head on my hands, I heard another voice softly say,

You got this! Just breathe and relax. It will come. Take your time. There is no rush. Slow down, slow down, slow down and breathe.

At the same moment as this voice was speaking softly to me, the instructor said that art allows you to show the world what you see and how you see it. It was like the instructor was giving me the permission I needed to just be.

Talk about the universe aligning!

The loud, aggressive voice in my head was powerful and had the potential to be influential due to the tone and volume of the voice, as well as the negative message I have been conditioned to make important. (A side note, our brains are wired to notice loud sounds as a sign of danger and it triggers us to shift into safety mode. Safety mode for me would have been to shut down and surrender to the negative conditioning.) While both the increased volume and tone of the voice in my head and the negative message were easy to go with, I have been working on noticing all the parts of me that make me uncomfortable and/or elicit an emotional response. Embracing what is uncomfortable and what is emotionally charged, I’m learning to slow down and not push the feelings away as a way to grow into my best self. I’m learning to be curious about what is making me uncomfortable. I’ve learned that when I explore what’s getting in the way I am better able to figure out a way forward rather than shut down. Doing these things have helped me hear the quiet parts of me. So I said to myself,

I signed up for this class because I wanted to explore my creativity. I’m feeling uncomfortable because I want to skip the learning process and just be able to do it. I want to be perfect and right now I don’t see shapes and that’s okay, I can learn to see shapes. I can pick up my pencil and trace over the flowers and bird and focus my attention on my hand movement. Focusing on my hand movements will help me see what patterns I'm noticing. 

So I placed my feet squarely on the floor beneath me, straightened my posture, and took a few deep breaths. I picked up my pencil, began tracing, and focusing on the motions my hand was making, and slowly, I began to see circles and triangles. I was seeing possibilities that I did not see before.

As I write this I am clear about the power of choice in seeing possibilities. I can choose my attitude and my choice impacts how I show up in the world. My choice creates space for me to see the world as it is and not through the clouds of my emotions. I know that this is life long work because my power will be challenged daily. Everyday brings change and I welcome it with open arms. It is the gift that moves me closer to who I am becoming.

What is important about seeing possibilities for you? How will seeing possibilities empower you to choose what is best for you?