Unmasked
By Courtney Sutton
Many of us spent our youth patiently (or impatiently) awaiting the freedom of adulthood only to find that adulting kinda sucks! The freedom and autonomy that we all dreamed of was a lie and instead of being controlled by the rules of our caretakers, we are now prisoners of jobs, bills, student loans, relationships, and a society that will “cancel” us for the slightest misstep. Long story short, adulting is not what the majority of us thought we were signing up for! It’s not that adulthood doesn’t include the freedom and autonomy that we all hoped for; it’s that those qualities come with a price, that many of us are unwilling or unsure how to pay.
Most of us, understand the world in the most simplistic ways; there is right and wrong or good and bad. As long as we do what is right and good we can travel through life generally well and unbothered by the challenges that may arise by dabbling in the wrong or bad. Unfortunately being an adult basically shits all of that logic. By the time we are teenagers, we are beginning to question how bad is bad? And how good is “good”? And if “bad” is so bad, how come we see people do the things that are “bad” and still turn out to live a “good” life? Once we grow into adulthood, we really begin to understand how complicated “good/bad” truly are. So how do we navigate a world that is complicated and everything but simple? For most of us, navigating adulthood is an anxiety and depression ridden journey of experimentation; hoping our choices are the “right” ones.
And while we hope that the complicated choices we make are “right” we put on the mask of normalcy and hope no one notices our differences. We adult in hiding; keeping the most authentic versions of ourselves restricted to small groups of trusted individuals or in some cases no one at all. We spend our time wearing these mask because they are comfortable both for us and the people around us. The masked version of us is less likely to stir the pot, offend anyone, or make any major mistakes. The masked version of us lives in a safe zone that generally avoids any foreseeable challenges or mistakes.
Then there are those of us who are unmasked. The unmasked, are those of us who dare to take the mask off and challenge simplicity. It could be argued that the unmasked seeks the challenge, one might even describe them as self-destructive or a dangerous wild card. With the unmasked you never know what to expect because they do not easily subscribe to what is “normal”. These are the people who are willing to engage in the vagueness of adulthood; those of us who are comfortable living in the gray space that exist between the regulations of right/wrong or good/bad.
Within all of us lives an unmasked version of ourselves. For some, the unmasked version is our most authentic self that we display in spaces we deem to be welcoming and safe; while for others, the unmasked is so suppressed we don’t even know it’s there. Some of us may even go through phases of life where we are perpetually unmasked only to journey back into the “norm” and then re-emerge again in the unmasked state. Much like with all things in life, being in the state of masked and unmasked has its ebbs and flows. Being in the state of unmasked is the opportunity to challenge thinking and push the world forward. We all hold a unique perspective of the world that has value; and every time another person takes off their mask (even if its just a tip toe) it sparks change.
As we begin to settle into the new year and decide on our intentions/resolutions for the year, I want to challenge everyone to spend a little more time unmasked. For many, the new year is an opportunity to try something new and institute change in our lives. This year, I challenge you to get to know your unmasked self and to share the unmasked version of you with others. Start to practice being vulnerable and opening up your sphere of trust to show your unmasked self more often. Shameless plug here, but try coaching!! Having a coach is a fantastic tool for getting to know your unmasked self better. Practice moments of mindfulness where you can quiet the outside noise and hear yourself. And seriously add a COACH (and a therapist or counselor) to your support system. These services are helpful to develop and master your toolbox to overcome the obstacle you will face as you are being all the versions of yourself.