Am I Ready for This?
By Courtney Sutton
I’ve been on a journey in the last few years really trying to discover my value. I say this not because I don’t believe or feel that I have value—but more, how are the things I do showing up in alignment with the things I say I value. I think if I searched this on Google or social media it might be coined “intentional living”.
So let me backup a little bit. I became a mother a little over 4 years ago. Taking on the role of being responsible for raising another human has literally waged an aggressive war on everything I thought I knew about who I was and what life was. Having become a mother in my 30s I thought surely I’ve got this. I had grown through my teens and early adulthood and felt like I’d taken the steps I needed to be “established”. Then one random Wednesday morning in March a doctor handed me a baby and everything I thought I knew was…over.
Something about being responsible for this child made me think differently and look at things differently—and that's been going on for about 5 years now. As a mother, I want my child to have all the things. And as a parent with some privileges, I can within reason, give my child all of the things. I can buy the toys, we can take trips and have experiences—and we’ve done that. Yet, in the midst of doing all of that I still find myself not feeling fulfilled. Or even like I’m giving my child the lifestyle that I think they are deserving of. In fact, what I find myself feeling is empty, unfulfilled, exhausted and stressed. I realize that no matter how many things I buy, or how many experiences I can afford for my child or myself, having access to things doesn't actually add value to our life experience.
When I really think about it, I think I've lived a life where I use the consumption of things to create a sense of connection and community that doesn’t really exist. And as my child becomes more aware of our “budget” and consumption of things, I’m also noticing how my behavior is demonstrating value. When my child is planning for their next trip to the store, or is happy to donate or throw away the thing because they know we’ll just replace it with another—it highlights for me that I’m not sending the message I want them to have. Mind you this is the child who regularly expresses their desire not to change our multi generational living arrangement because they “just love their family so much!” I can’t help but ask myself, what am I doing?
Now, let me explain what I mean. If you ask me (or my child) about our happiest moments, those moments and experiences have very little to do with things that I brought. Our happiest moments are not connected to the designer bags, the newest Apple products or toys. Instead, our happy moments are on the holidays when all of our family is spending time together just playing games or listening to music and talking. It's our drives to school in the morning listening to podcasts, or our dance parties and singing along to the Trolls soundtracks. It's going on playdates with friends. What I realize is our happy times are related to being in a community- real community, not scrolling through social media, not shopping for things, but enjoying our time with and around people…dare I say, we like people?!?!?!
What I’m discovering is that our optimal life is a lot slower and less flashy. Neither of us really find joy in having stuff but rather with the simple things in life. And as a mother (and just generally as a person) I want more of that for myself and for my child. I want us to have a robust community that feels real and authentic. I want to have dinner parties with friends, I want my child to have more planned and by chance playdates, I want to be able to have simplicity and ease in our day to day experience. I want to be able to enjoy our life without feeling like we need to be on vacation. And I’m realizing that attaining this life is going to require a significant shift in how I go about curating our life.
Which brings me to the question, am I ready for this? Am I ready to be intentional about doing the things that align our lives to our values? Am I ready to slow down and think before I buy the shoes/ or other trendy item? Do I say no, to the instant gratification of the purchase? Am I going to be bold enough to say no, if the promotion does not align with us being able to be present and active in our community? Are we ready to experience the “loss” of people whose values don’t align with who and what we’re becoming? Am I strong enough to keep going when I feel scared or uncomfortable?
I don’t have the answers to this, but I’m ready to start our transition. In the comments, share what you are contemplating being ready for. What helps you persevere when transition feels uncomfortable? One tool I am finding very helpful is the values exercise. Transitions are a great time to re-evaluate what is important to you.
Want to give this a try with support? Schedule a free 30-minute Strategy Session to discover how to incorporate values into your life.